Dear Freezer Cake Sales Giant Sara Lee,
It’s not often that I write to companies that sell freezer cakes, but I was at the grocer’s last week and saw something in the freezer section that I almost couldn’t believe. I’m talking, of course, about your Sara Lee Cheesecake Bites.
I just stood there for a moment, standing a little bit on tip-toe, mouth agape as I tried to process the taste sensation that must accompany such a wonderful confection. My hand started to shake and my knees buckled in anticipation as I opened the freezer and reached in to pick out my container of frozen joy.
They're better than you could ever dream.
That’s when I realized that there was more than one variety. You don’t just make original Cheesecake Bites. You also make Strawberry Cheesecake Bites and Chocolate Cheesecake Bites. That’s just ridiculous!
Well, Sara Lee, it’ll come as no surprise to you that I picked the Chocolate Cheesecake Bites. You’ve known me long enough to know that chocolate is my anti-drug. I took the container to the checkout area, and the cashier asked where I found them because she wanted to get some too. She took my money and I managed to drive home before I opened the container.
It’s at this point that I get a tad emotional. It’s not often that a food that could have been custom made just for me. It’s as if you knocked on the door of my dreams and found my best hopes and warmest fuzzies, and spun the glories that you found there into little bits of digestible heaven.
So thank you, Sara Lee. Thank you for creating the best food since God Himself sent manna from heaven. If you were here (and a dude), I would totally open mouth kiss you to within an inch of your life.
Never mind the saturated fats,
Matt
